Why Fanfiction Authors Are Insane
by WhispertheWolf
Summary: What the Storm Hawks characters said when they discovered the wonders of fanfiction. Warning: lots of pairing bashing!
1. Intro

Disclaimer: Me no own _Storm Hawks_, you no sue me!

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_**Storm Hawks—Why Fanfiction Authors are Insane**_

_**By WhispertheWolf and callmefall**_

Intro

On a dark and stormy night…

Okay, so it wasn't dark or stormy, or even night, but who really cares?

Anyway, one day, the Storm Hawk characters were looking themselves up on Google (Finn's idea), and they came across a webpage called . They clicked the URL, and immersed themselves in the stories they found there. This is what they think of our stories, and I felt it was important to let you know what they thought, so I had them tell me, and wrote down everything they said.

This is 'Why Fanfiction Authors Are Insane'!


	2. Aerrow

WhispertheWolf: I'm having a little writer's block for my novel _The Drifter_, so my cousin, callmefall, and I were inspired by a similar fic. (chocholic is a _Harry Potter_ maniac, but she really likes _Storm Hawks_, too. The first the time she watched it with me, she scared me. After the first episode, she grabbed my shoulders, shook me, and said, "I NEED MORE!" in a scary voice!) So she helped me write what we thought the canon characters would think of our _Storm Hawk_ fics. Don't blame me for what they say. This is just what I think they think. Wait, that didn't make sense. Anyway, you know what I mean! Besides, it's still fun to write stuff that we know will _never _happen in the actual show.

**callmefall: Now that my dear cousin has stopped hogging the computer—**

Wolf: HEY!

**cmf: —****I would like to give credit where credit is due! I typed all of these except for Repton's! ;-) I know, I'm so proud of myself, typing all that!**

Wolf: Hey, I gave you all the info! Maybe I shouldn't have said that... they'll kill me now!

**cmf: No they won't... then they'll never know if Aerrow lives or dies in **_**The Drifter**_**! And I never said I **_**wrote**_** it all, I said I **_**typed**_** it!**

Wolf: They'll kill me after _The Drifter_ is done!

**cmf: No, they don't know where you live...**

Wolf: Good point...

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own _Storm Hawks_! **Don't look at me! I own nothing! Not even the fic, technically. I know, it's sad!**

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Aerrow

I, Aerrow, Sky Knight of the Storm Hawks, would like to clear a few things up.

Firstly, I AM _NOT_GAY! Especially not with the Dark Ace or, ugh, _Finn_! And certainly not with Stork! I mean, the guy's not even in my _species_!

Secondly, Piper and I are JUST friends! What is wrong with you people? She's like my SISTER for crying out loud! My _SISTER_! You— you— _PEOPLE_ are always pairing me with her, and that's just not _RIGHT_!

Thirdly, _Master__CYCLONIS_? ME, the Sky Knight of the Storm Hawks, with _HER_? You people need to have your heads checked, because I'm guessing that you have some _SERIOUS_ brain damage! That girl is just freaky… I mean, what is with her hair anyway?

And really, do you people have so little faith in me that you have to kill me off? If you haven't noticed, I manage to get out of almost any type of collision, whether with Cyclonians or on my Skimmer, without a _scratch_!

And why must you torture me? It's not like I don't get enough of that from the Dark Ace already! It's bad enough that I've lost my dad to _him_! Don't you think I've been through enough?

Okay, I can see Finn getting drunk, but I think I'm a little more mature than him, don't you agree? _I_ don't go power mad! Plus, I haven't even TASTED alcohol yet! Piper would _KILL_ me!

Do I look royalty to you? If you just answered yes, go get your vision checked! I'm just a normal teenage boy trying to save the Atmos!

And I would _NEVER_ betray my team! I'd die first!

Oh, and Finn and Piper fanfics? I'd wonder what hit Piper in the head and gave her a concussion! And I'd kill Finn if he hurt Piper, even if by accident! (But then I'd need a new wingman and sharpshooter, so I'm glad that's never gonna happen.) And think of what would happen to the team! They'd be too busy worrying about Piper to get anything done! Or what Piper would do to Finn…

Who even thought up Piper/Stork fanfics? Someone get them to a doctor… _NOW_! They need their sanity level checked! Why? Because, apart from age differences, species differences, and Stork's paranoia problems, it JUST _WOULDN'T_WORK! _EVER_!

EVERYONE knows that Piper is NOT a lesbo! Get it in your heads people! She _is__not_, and _never_will be with that freaky Cyclonis.

And we all know that the Dark Ace has problems, but I don't think he's emo… that's Master Cyclonis…

And I'm fairly certain even if he was emo, he wouldn't cut himself.

Also, the Dark Ace paired with Cyclonis? Now that's just wrong… he'd be robbing the cradle!

Oh, and Ravess and the Dark Ace? Neither of them have a romantic bone in their bodies! They wouldn't know how to _START_ a relationship, and even if they figured it out, they'd end up _KILLING_ each other within an hour!

And if you really want a romantic story, skip the cheese factor… it's not cute, it's sickening! (Unless it's Swiss, because that stuff tastes good! Not really, but it sounded good… NO CHEESE!)

And who keeps giving me siblings anyway? No one ever said I have siblings! The _last_ descendent, got it?

And what's with all these other teenage squadrons? We're the only teenage squadron around. I'm the youngest Sky Knight ever to register!

I will admit that Starling is pretty cool, but I'm just a kid! She's, what, twenty-one? So a romantic relationship is out of the picture in the current situation. Try in another six years or so.

This is why you fanfic authors are _**INSANE**_! (And not in the good way.)

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**cmf: That was fun! What do you say, Wolf?**

Wolf: You're crazy! And I'm going to die at the hands of anyone who likes those pairings!

**cmf: Don't be silly, you're more likely to get bit by a shark in the lake! No one on here but me knows you live in—**

Wolf: SHH!

**cmf: ****Whoops, I almost said it!**

Wolf: (smacks forehead)


	3. Radarr

Disclaimer: We still don't own _Storm Hawks_.

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Radarr

Churr, squawk! Grrrr! Chirp, chirp! Ree! RAR! Grr!

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**cmf: We aren't really sure what he said, but he looked pretty mad!**

Wolf: He doesn't have much to complain about... hardly anyone ever writes about him...

**cmf: He's mad because Aerrow's mad!**

Wolf: That makes sense...


	4. Stork

Disclaimer: We own no TV show. _Storm Hawks_ are property of Nerd Corps.

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Stork

I would complain about the atrocious way you have mauled my very being, but it doesn't matter, since we are all doomed anyway. Stupid rash!

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**cmf: I have to take credit for this! I wrote this **_**whole**_** thing by myself!**

Wolf: callmefall, it's 2 sentences!

**cmf: ****What's your point?**


	5. Finn

Disclaimer: Asaph "Ace" Fipke created _Storm Hawks_. We created a fic about them.

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Finn

Finn the Sharpshooter (chica-cha) here, and let me tell you, I am not happy.

It's like, dude, you don't even know, like, anything about me!

I mean, seriously, I am not even, like, gay! That is just, what's that big word Piper would use? Oh yeah, un-something.

("Unethical, Finn!")

Yeah, that one.

("You know, you could say thank you!")

Whatever, Piper.

("Finn!")

Okay, thanks already! Now where was I? Oh yeah, I'm too cool to be gay! Why would I want to be, when I have lots of chicks falling all over me? Don't look at me like that, Piper! Stop rolling your eyes!

While we're talking about Piper, the always boring one, why would anyone put us together? Her music sucks! And she never lets me have any fun!

And Starling is pretty and all, but she's, like, seriously old. I'm still a kid. I'd never get with her!

("Oooh, I am so telling Starling you said that!")

Piper, DON'T! She would, like, hurt me!

Aerrow, I'm mad at you now, for saying you can see me getting drunk! This goes for the rest of you too! I wouldn't get drunk!

I am not like that freak Dark Ace! I would never betray the Storm Hawks! They're my family! (And Piper would come back to haunt me. Scary!)

But Piper being lesbo was way funny— OW, OW, STOP IT! PIPER, THAT HURTS! OW!

("Finn, you are so dead!")

OW! Death hurts.

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Wolf: I don't know HOW Finn got out of that one... he sounded like he was in a lot of pain!

**cmf: ****That was so much fun!**


	6. Piper

Disclaimer: _Storm Hawks_ is property of Nerd Corps. **In other words, it's not ours.**

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Piper

WHAT is you peoples' problem? Pairing me with the _LEAST_ likely people, such as Finn, or Stork, or the Dark Ace, or even _Cyclonis_! For crying out loud, I am not lesbo, and Aerrow isn't gay!

While we are on the subject of Aerrow, I would _never_ be with him! Ever since we met, he's been like my brother! You don't date family, it's 'that big word Piper would use'!

("Hey, are you making fun of me? Just because I don't know as many big words as you, doesn't mean you get to pick on me!")

I'm not picking on you, Finn.

("Then why are you rolling your eyes?")

Finn, you're acting worse than Stork right now!

("Should I be offended?")

Forget it, Finn! Can you even see me with him? He is so full of himself!

("What is that supposed to mean?")

Finn, this is my rant… so get out!

("Okay, I can take a hint…")

He can?

If you people aren't torturing and/or killing Aerrow, you are doing it to me! Why can't you just leave us alone, so we can get rid of the Cyclonians in peace? And without previous, non-Cyclonian injury?

I am the most responsible of us Storm Hawks, so I wouldn't even do most of the stupid things you people are saying I did! I am appalled at the way you people can take a story, and maul it's every detail! It is shameful!

And Aerrow is absolutely right; I would kill him if he even THOUGHT about drinking! Since he is still alive, it is safe to assume that he has never gotten drunk.

You people keep bringing up the oracle! No one had seen the oracle in almost a thousand years before Aerrow found her in the Forbidden City, and NO ONE ELSE SAW HER! So she couldn't have given anyone prophecies beforehand!

And which of you thinks that Aerrow would betray us! He would _never_ betray us, _NEVER_! And Finn doesn't have the guts to; he knows I would kill him!

("I heard that!")

Hush, Finn! I wasn't done! And why do you people mess with Starling? She wouldn't ever be with Repton, he killed her squadron! And I'm going to pretend you people didn't even _think_ about putting her with Finn!

("Hey!")

Not finished, Finn! And maybe, just maybe, if they were both adults, Aerrow and Starling would date, but they aren't! Have you ever heard of a fourteen-year-old dating an adult?

And the romance! If you are going to have romance in a story, at least try and make it NOT disgusting, or cheesy!

You people think Aerrow was mad? Wait till I get done with you!

("Piper, put the staff down.")

But Aerrow!

("Piper, no one is here but these two.")

But they're fanfiction authors, too!

("At least let me go get my blades first.")

Fine. Hey, where are you two going? Get back here! I am not done with you!

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Wolf: Whew, that was close!

**cmf: Seriously!**

Wolf: I didn't think Aerrow had it in him to hurt us... no offense, or anything to him... he's just too nice for that!

**cmf: Yeah, really!**

Wolf: Remind me to talk to Piper from a distance!

**cmf: ****Okay... if I get that close...**


	7. Junko

Disclaimer: We do not own _Storm Hawks_.

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Junko

Well, I thought most of these stories were pretty funny, but who put me with my best buddy Finn? That doesn't make sense, he's a guy! And some of this stuff isn't very nice. Like uh— well, I can't think of anything, but it isn't nice!

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**cmf: Yay!**

Wolf: What's 'yay'?

**cmf: I don't know, I felt like saying it**!

Wolf: These are the wierdest author's notes EVER...

**cmf: Who cares? I would say more, but I don't feel like I can say that much... I'm hyper!**

Wolf: I can tell.

**cmf: Is there anything YOU want to say?**

Wolf: Just don't do any more authors' notes if they aren't about the stories!

**cmf: That wasn't about the story though!**

Wolf: (smacks head) I give up!

**cmf: ;)**


	8. Starling

Disclaimer: Nerd Corps owns _Storm Hawks_, not us.

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Starling

I can't believe that some people have the nerve to say that I would date that sniveling bag of rot of a lizard! Repton and I would never be together! He killed my team, and deserves to suffer for it! And he isn't even human! He is a Raptor! A cold-blooded organism!

And whoever put me with that less than brilliant kid sharpshooter is both crazy and sick-minded! The age difference alone is reason enough not to go there.

Though Aerrow may be mature for his age, he is still fourteen! Whereas I am over twenty! Don't ask further, women never mention their age, and it is very rude to ask!

The person who put me with that old-fashioned fool Harrier needs to be checked in to their nearest asylum!

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**cmf: I think I did pretty good with that...**

Wolf: grr

**cmf: —****with your help, of course...**

Wolf: Nice save. Have you forgotten that this is MY account?

**cmf: ****RED ALERT RED ALERT! YOU AREN'T TALKING ABOUT THE STORY!**

Wolf: (glares evilly)

**cmf: ****Eep! Run awaaaay!**

Wolf: Well that got rid of her... Yay!

**cmf: (distant voice) RED ALEEERT!**

Wolf: (groan)


	9. Master Cyclonis

Disclaimer: We do not own _Storm Hawks_.

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Master Cyclonis

Once I have taken control over Atmos, I will destroy people who disrespect me. This includes all the authors on this website who have made me out to be a bad person.

Before I kill you, I will take this opportunity to tell you all the ways you went wrong in your little stories.

The first thing people have done is made me lesbian with that pig-headed Piper. That would never happen! Why she wouldn't just come over to the right side is beyond me.

Then there are the people who have been delusional enough to insinuate something between me and my most loyal and trusted officer, the Dark Ace. That would be supremely disturbing. I'm still an adolescent and he's a grown man.

And then there are the even more delusional people who have put me in a relationship with the annoying Sky Knight that keeps getting in my way. When I rule the Atmos, his head will be my best trophy.

("Now THAT'S just disturbing.")

Silence, you irritating Sky Knight! Don't interrupt me when I am torturing the pesky authors.

And _someone_ has made me out to be feline phobic.

("That was hilarious!")

SILENCE, before I kill you, which I will after that 'freaky emo' stuff.

I am not a villain, you appalling people. I don't know why I bother telling you your mistakes before I kill you all.

And I will tell that I don't approve of inter-Talon relationships, so even if Ravess and Dark Ace did get together, I can assure you that I would put a stop to it immediately.

Any last words?

("I'm leaving now…")

Good riddance.

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**cmf: I hope Aerrow got out okay!**

Wolf: I'm pretty sure he did...

**cmf: ****Now we go see (gulp) the Dark Ace.**

Wolf: What's the matter, are you scared?

**cmf: ****Who **_**wouldn't**_** be scared...? I just hope he isn't **_**that**_** mad.**

Wolf: I think Aerrow wants to come with us...

**cmf: ****Oh, so he's okay?**

Wolf: Yeah, he got out okay, and he wants to go and tease the Dark Ace.

**cmf: ****That might not be the smartest thing... he might not make it out of **_**that**_** one!**

Wolf: Up to him... I'm not gonna try to stop him...

**cmf: ****That probably wouldn't be too smart either... but I thought he was mad at us? Guess he doesn't want to pass up this opportunity!**


	10. The Dark Ace

Disclaimer: We do not own _Storm Hawks_.

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The Dark Ace

I am not a drunk! I have only cut myself once, and figured out that it was overrated! And I am NOT gay! Especially not with that punk Sky Knight!

Why would I even like fourteen-year-olds? Especially Master Cyclonis! She is my MASTER! That would be why I call her 'master'!

And why put me with Ravess? Master Cyclonis wouldn't be too happy if I killed her sharpshooter! In other words, she'd die first.

And why am I the practical joke target? Why not get the punk? He deserves it!

("What are you, four?")

Don't make me hurt you, overly-cocky Sky Knight!

("What do you have against me, anyway?")

Butt out, this is MY rant!

("Prickly!")

Stupid Sky Knight! Never knows when to hush!

Then there is the matter of that Storm Hawks strategist, Pipsqueak, or whatever her name is, being paired with me. Once again, why would I even LIKE fourteen-year-olds? Especially a _Storm Hawk_! I would rather date Repton's mom and risk the injuries his father would induce.

Oh, and I am _THE_ Dark Ace. _Not_ Dark Ace, _the_ Dark Ace!

What I want to know is why you people are so interested in my underwear! Just for future reference, they are boxers with green and whites stripes! Unless I'm wearing my lucky briefs, which are red with gold poka-dots!

("Oh, I am SO telling Finn! Now he owes me 5 bucks!")

Insolent Sky Knight! Hush, before I help you join your father!

("No need to make this personal… wait, it is personal, now that I know your lucky underwear are briefs.")

STOP SMIRKING! Me and my big mouth!

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**cmf: Oooh, I'm not sure if Aerrow can manage getting out of that one…**

Wolf: Don't worry, I took _the_ Dark Ace's sword.

**cmf: He he, mocking **_**the**_** Dark Ace isn't a good idea! So where did you put the sword?**

Wolf: (pointing sword at chocoholic) On guard!

The _Dark Ace: (distant voice) Hey, where's my sword?_

Wolf: I'm gonna be, well, not here! Here, take it! (hands sword to chocoholic)

**cmf: I found it! Oh no, RUN AWAAAAAAY!**


	11. Snipe

Disclaimer: We do not own _Storm Hawks_.

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Snipe

Snipe no like fanfiction it make fun of Snipe say Snipe dum Snipe no dum Snipe strong Snipe bash writing people's heads so they say 'ow' Snipe thinks writing people are all a bunch of weak gleeps

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Wolf: So, you got away from the Dark Ace, callmefall?

**cmf: Obviously, no thanks to you. Wow, you would think Snipe knows about punctuation.** **Actually, I take that back.**

Wolf: Does he always talk in third person?

**cmf: No, I think he said "Wasn't me" once. For him, that's good! He should get a medal.**

Wolf: How did you get away, anyway?

**cmf: Threw his sword back to him as I ran awaaaay, **_**very**_** fast.**

Wolf: So wait, he has his sword in my house?

**cmf: Uh, yeah.**

Wolf: (growls)

**cmf: (distant voice) RUN AWAAAAAAAY!**


	12. Ravess

Disclaimer: We do not own _Storm Hawks_!

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Ravess

Which of you insolent fools paired me with the Dark Ace? He always complains about my music, so it could NEVER work between us… if he doesn't appreciate my art, I won't put up with him!

One day he's going to wish he didn't make fun of me for playing the violin. He thinks he's so high and mighty and can kill me without breaking a sweat, but he can't get close enough to because I _never _miss!

However, you authors have done a great job with my brother, Snipe. Congratulations!

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**cmf: This one isn't the best… there's no good dirt on Ravess!**

Wolf: Well there is, but there's only one thing. And she's right about Snipe!

**cmf: (snickers) Yeah!**


	13. Repton

Disclaimer: We own no TV shows! **That includes **_**Storm Hawks**_**!**

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Repton

What is wrong with all of you! Pairing me with a Sky Knight? An Interceptor, nonetheless! I would rather destroy her! Why would I ever be with a human, anyway? Stupid warm-bloods! Humans make good dinners, not girlfriends!

("You're no walk in the park, either.")

Quiet, Interceptor!

All of you fanfic authors better watch out, before you become lizard food! I'm hunting you now, and a Raptor never abandons his prey!

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Wolf: Ah, I think we should get out of here.

**cmf: Why? You're the only one who writes Storm Hawks.**

Wolf: Ahem, "Finn's Biggest Fear"?

**cmf: I didn't write that, I typed it.**

Wolf: You wrote part of it.

**cmf: Yeah, but there was nothing about Repton.**

_Repton: (distant voice) I'm on to you, Wolf!_

Wolf: Hey, what about her? I'm outta here. That's all! _Drifter_ updates coming soon. Now excuse me. I must run awaaaaaaaaaay!

**cmf: Wolf, you better RUN AWAAAAY! Repton, she went that way. Ah, revenge is so sweet. BYE!**


End file.
